22 Best Weird & Funny Craigslist Ads :D :D

Spare Cannabis (by police department)

The police department is looking for someone who sells cannabis. You can trade your cannabis for cash in the front desk of Douglas Police Station.

Girlfriend Needed

Hi I am a white American looking for a girlfriend. She has to be at least 163 cm tall, fair skin with no pimples or acne, must be single, should be interesting in cleaning and cooking, and should own a car of her own. A blond woman with blue eyes is preferred. If you are one of these women contact me immediately. This is my picture.

Fix the Busted Toilet

I want somebody to fix my busted toilet for cheap. I am not going to pay for more than 12$.

Ex’s Doorbell Ringer

My ex left me for another woman and now I want revenge on him. I need someone who would constantly ring his apartment’s bell but never get caught. Should be a good runner and a hide and seek champion. He is home after the office hours and that is when you will be doing your paid job. For your convenience here is his photo.

Finding the Dude who Borrowed my Book 2 Years ago

Hi Greg! If you are reading this please return my Norton Anthology manual that you borrowed 2 years ago. You promised that you would return it to me. Books don’t grow on trees and I need it.

Buy 1 iPhone for the Price of 2

I am selling my iPhone for the price of two. It is used and occasionally its screen freezes but other than that it has no big problems. This offer is for limited time.

To whomever I Bit Last Night

To whomever I bit last night I am sorry. I was drunk and to be honest the party was lit. I found a photo in my phone and Rebecca told me the whole story, how I bit this guy and took pictures to claim domination. I have Candidiasis so you might need a medical help asap.

Looking for God

If you think you have seen God or if you can establish a permanent communication with him. Let me know. I’m in a crisis and I think I need God’s personal assistance on this particular matter.

Looking for a Guy to Scream at my House

I am really lazy and I find it hard to get up with my alarm. I am looking to hire someone who would scream at my house at 9 am every morning until I get out and tell him to stop.

Need help for “Flying” Boyfriend

My boyfriend likes doing drugs. Last night he said that I am not worthy of him because he is superman, he flies. I am looking for someone to convince him that humans do not fly. I am desperate.

10 Dank Memes for 3$

I am selling my collection of 10 dank memes for only 3$. These are never seen memes before. If you like then contact. Just to give you a rough idea I am uploading one of my 10 memes.

Premium Air from Beyonce’s Concert, front Row

I attended her last Los Angeles concert and I managed to bottle up the premium air from the front row. This is authentic. The bidding starts from 5,000$.

Ventriloquist Doll

I am selling my son’s ventriloquist doll that I bought on ebay. My son doesn’t like it. He is two and starts screaming as soon as he sees its face. Purchased it for 14$ but you can have it in only 10$.

All A+ Result Card available for Asian Children

If you are an Asian and you’ve got one or two Bs’ then have no fear. Just send us you result card and we’d edit all the grades to A+. You can keep the real card for school records.

Guy to Delete your Browsing History after you Die

Too afraid of what happened to your friend when his wife found out about his internet history after his untimely death. I am the guy who would keep your password in case if you die without clearing your browsing history. Unlike your wife, I won’t judge. I’d be your personal avatar.

Online Bully

I have an over-weighted girl. My friend Jessica told me about this great idea of bullying her online. I need someone to send her degrading messages. You have the freedom to shame her online in any way so she’d be forced to eat less and exercise.

Need a Receptionist with Gordon Ramsay’s Conduct

I have a small hotel in West Virginia and I need a receptionist. The problem is that our customers are insolent and rude towards my staff. I want a receptionist who knows how to yell back like Gordon Ramsay. You shouldn’t be shy of insulting the guests if they grumble.

Need a Boy to FriendZone my Crush

I need a good looking man with a good sense of humor. I want him to get closer to this girl I have a crush on and then friendzone her. She loves friendzoning guys I just want to give her a taste of her own medicine.

A Chopstick Expert, preferably Asian

I recently got engaged to this beautiful Asian woman but the problem is her parents are extremely traditional. In order to impress them my fiancée says that I need to act like an Asian person. I want somebody to come to my house on weekends and teach me the sacred art of using chopsticks until I have mastered it completely.

A real Wizard to cast a Spell on my Principal

Last week my principal called my Arab mom and told her that I misbehave in class. The bruises from my mother’s sandals are still on my back. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. I want a real wizard to cast a spell on principal. I’ve tried a few spells from online websites. None of them seem to work.

A Singer for my Back-stabbing “Best Friend’s” Birthday

Linda and I used to be close until I realized that she is spreading lies about me. She doesn’t know that I know about it. I want to teach her a lesson. I need a singer who would sing Cardi B or Nikki Minaj’s songs on her birthday. Note: You must introduce yourself as her “bestie” in front of her family.

Supply of 20 Pairs of used Eyelashes

I want to throw a party at my house but my parents have posed a condition. If they see someone passed out they would throw me out of the house. Last time a couple of kids ruined my parents’ couch with vomit. I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again. If they pass out then I want to make sure that they wake up as confused as possible. I have an idea and for that I’d need almost 20 pairs of used eyelashes.